perspective project :: week 2 balance

I had an idea to select a topic, or prompt, each week, and write about it - whether it be a story relating to the term, or an opinion on it. Then, I wanted to have a few people, close to me, do the same. The idea is that sharing a few thoughts about a similar subject, from people with completely different backgrounds, careers, ages, and ideals could create a bit of perspective.

We are living in a world, and time, full of division. Contrary to a world we lived in only a year ago, full of diversity. The two can often be confused, but they could not be more different. My hope, with any conflict in the world, is that we can all sit down, talk through it, and perhaps leave with a little bit of perspective. So, this personal project is my contribution to that goal.

NINA POLO WIEJA , 33
BORN IN NICARAGUA
GERMAN-PANAMANIAN

Balance. For a long time, this was a foreign concept to me. One of my earliest memories is of a conversation I had with my mom. She was trying to explain the concept of balance to me. She seemed concerned that there was not much between incredibly angry or sad and hysterically joyful. But not living in the world of extremes sounded so…  boring. It certainly didn’t sound like the high-intensity life I was craving. I didn’t understand that it is an adventure in itself to find balance. I have a tendency to feel strongly, for better or for worse, but there are a lot of feelings inside of me and they really want to be felt. So ‘extreme’ is easy for me, balance, however, is not. I have since come to understand what balance means to me. It’s a sense of feeling energized and completely calm at the same time. Like you could climb a mountain without making a sound. My friend Kelsey often speaks about how much she appreciates quiet confidence, THAT is what balance means to me. 
blog: ninapolo.com/blog
instagram: instagram.com/ninamaderita/

RACHAEL CHARBONNEAU, 27
NISKAYUNA, NEW YORK
AMERICAN

Balance is a daily struggle for me. It always has been.
I don’t stop moving. If I’m not working, I’m working out. If I’m not working or working out, I’m being social. If I’m not working, working out, or being social, I’m improving myself in some way, shape, or form — which should include slowing down, but usually doesn’t.
Every few months I hit this wall. This wall says “whelp, you won’t stop, so I’ll MAKE you.” It comes in many forms: an emotional breakdown, an injury, stomach pain, consistent dizzy spells, or mental exhaustion I can’t shake. Out of necessity, I rest up, but not without this anxiety that I should be doing something. What is that something? That something is anything that furthers me.
I’m a doer. I always have been. At 27, I now own two businesses — a Freelance Graphic Design business and a Health Coaching service — with the recent addition of a third side hustle teaching yoga. Stephanie and I met through friends, but I feel it was fate. We’re so similar in that we are very independent, driven, do what we say we are going to do (do you know how rare that is?), and go all in when we’re going in. For people like us, balance in reference to lifestyle is hard to achieve.
Balance is a struggle for me. Setting boundaries is also a struggle. They go hand in hand.
Last June, I went to the doctor, again, driven by symptoms of stress. How many times have we been here before, Rachael? Stomach pain comes back, I can’t sleep at night, my period becomes irregular and hurtful, and the skin on my face starts breaking out again. It’s the same cycle I’ve been through multiple times.
My Naturopathic doctor has seen me multiple times over the years for these same symptoms. This time around, we really started addressing the stressors in my life. Her biggest suggestion was to set boundaries. 
Boundaries. Boundaries with work — no working past 8 pm, multiple breaks throughout the day. Boundaries with relationships — saying no when I intuitively know I need to rest. Boundaries with myself — telling myself at the end of the day “it’s okay, you’ve done everything you could for the day” instead of “you should have gotten this, this, and this done.”
These boundaries have invited a little bit more balance into life. It’s also started to trickle into the relationships in my life — which was necessary, and I didn’t even know it. 
When I love, I love deeply. When I give, I give it all. These aren’t bad traits by any means, but I’m learning when I love, to save some for myself. When I give, I give to myself, too. Balance. It’s made me realize what relationships in my life were taking too much, and who to set boundaries with. It made me realize how unbalanced some of my relationships were — giving so much to receive next to nothing — and setting boundaries with those people.

Balance is a struggle for me, but the more I practice, the happier and healthier I am. 
blog: wholisticbelly.com/blog
instagram: instagram.com/wholisticbelly
facebook: facebook.com/wholisticbelly

STEPHANIE SHAMI, 27
BORN IN CALIFORNIA
EGYPTIAN

Initially when we selected 'Balance', I immediately thought to talk about work/life balance. In the stressful world, we live in, this seems to be the popular topic of conversation. However, that's not really the type of balance that I struggle with. In fact, I think I'm pretty good at the whole work/life balance thing. Granted, I work for a company with a start-up feel, a few blocks away from the Manhattan Beach pier, and when things get really stressful, I simply take a walk down on the strand, and remind myself that we're not saving lives here. Digital Marketing makes a lot of sense to me, and I love to help my clients figure out how to best utilize their advertising dollars, so I get a ton of satisfaction out of my work. And I'm never one to shy away from a vacation. I know I work hard, and I'm a firm believer in the concept of 'save and splurge', so once a year I try and go someplace I've never been. I would love to make enough money that I don't need to stress, week to week, about where my next meal will come from, but money has never been the most important part of my career. 

Oddly enough, the balance that really gives me a hard time, is between me, and myself. Ever started a relationship and liked that person so much, that you spent all of your time with them and cast aside the routine you worked so hard to set for yourself? Ever started a project, a book, or a series, and gotten bored within the first week and let it slip? I think there is something to be said for the space you make in your life, whether it be for someone else, or for something that's important to you. And as a person whose day is pretty structured from the moment I wake up, to the moment I go to bed - I struggle to find the right amount of letting someone else into my plan. I've always loved wholeheartedly, I've always jumped in with two feet, believing that 'there are far too many mediocre things in life, love should not be one of them. But where do we draw that line? When do you need to perhaps pull back, demand the time you need for yourself, and your health, and when is it time to just jump in?

Like all forms of balance, it's a practice, and we continue to test the waters until it feels right. My hope is that when I find the right person, I won't have to choose between putting myself first, and making room for them, the two will be one and the same.  

blog: egypsy.co/posts
instagram: instagram.com/egypsy_

perspective project :: week 1 vulnerability

I had an idea to select a topic, or prompt, each week, and write about it - whether it be a story relating to the term, or an opinion on it. Then, I wanted to have a few people, close to me, do the same. The idea is that sharing a few thoughts about a similar subject, from people with completely different backgrounds, careers, ages, and ideals could create a bit of perspective.

We are living in a world, and time, full of division. Contrary to a world we lived in only a year ago, full of diversity. The two can often be confused, but they could not be more different. My hope, with any conflict in the world, is that we can all sit down, talk through it, and perhaps leave with a little bit of perspective. So, this personal project is my contribution to that goal.

Stephanie Shami, 27
Born in California
Egyptian

This year I started my Egypsy Etsy store and began designing printed goods, as well as importing some items from Egypt because - well, all of those things make up who I am, and I wanted to find a way to share them with the world.

It's a very scary thing, to put your work out into the universe, not only something that you have created but something that you love. It's so personal, and you're essentially saying, "HEY I made this, and I think it's so important that I wanted you to see it."

I recently got out of a relationship that no longer served me, or my partner. Though we loved each other very much, we realized that our goals were different, and our ideas about how to reach said goals, were even more different. It seemed earth-shattering at the time. How was I going to continue on without this person who had been there, by my side, every day for almost 5 years? Who was I without them?  It took me a few weeks, and a few cries to realize that every step away from that relationship was a step closer to myself.

I was finally able to put myself first, to spend the time and energy looking internally to find what I really wanted. When I finally found it, it wasn't at all what I expected, but it made SO much sense. I'm a designer. I've always had a strange and unexplainable obsession with letters. I love to learn and I want to createsomething that brings the beauty of Egypt to the forefront, instead of all the terrible news that fills our feeds every day. Think Stephanie, think.

I know! I'll learn to letter so that I can create designs that showcase the beauty of the world we travel. I mean, major breakthrough here people, am I right? 

Although I am still sad that my relationship did not end with eternal bliss as I hoped it would, I realized that I wasn't in a space where it was acceptable to be 100% vulnerable. I need the freedom to be unapologetically myself, to explore my creativity, my mind, and my spirit in order to really tap into the potential I know that I'm capable of. I am thankful, that the end of one relationship gave me permission to really focus on the relationship with myself.

I am learning every day. Not only a new creative skill or fumbling through how to start and run a small business, but also learning about myself. I am flawed; rough around the edges, hard to get along with sometimes, and god knows - more stubborn than my father. But, I care. Friends often turn into family, and people know that although my expectations are high, it's because I wouldn't think twice before doing the same for them. I want to put that same energy, drive, and commitment into my business. That vulnerability, that permission to be exactly who you are, is something only you can give yourself. And sometimes, you have to make space in order to do so. 

blog: egypsy.co/posts
instagram: instagram.com/egypsy_

Nina Polo Wieja, 33
Born in Nicaragua
German-Panamanian

When I think of this word the first thing that comes to mind is Brené Brown’s TED Talk on the Power of Vulnerability. I remember clearly, being in an unfulfilling marriage and watching her speak for the first time, tears uncontrollably streaming down my face. Being in a relationship in which you don’t feel safe to share vulnerably can feel like the loneliest place on earth. There is no one to blame, nobody at fault. The situation was what it was. I believe we were both doing the best with the knowledge and tools we knew at the time. They weren’t enough. 

I knew at this point in my life that I needed to share myself, fully. But whenever I tried, I was received with what felt to me like irritation. I want to choose my words carefully because I am well aware of the fact that my reality, my perception, might not be his, or anyone else’s for that matter, but it was very real to me. I will just say this, I didn’t feel safe sharing my emotions, I didn’t feel like they were welcome. 

After ending my marriage I promised myself that I would make vulnerability a priority. I want to admit when I have no clue, when I’m sad, overwhelmed when I’m hurt, I want to be able to cry and be received with patience, kindness, and maybe even appreciation because we all know it takes courage to show your heart, to show your shadow as well as your light. I promised myself I wouldn't play the game of dating and only show the most digestible side of myself for a while until feeling comfortable enough to admit that I can be a serious person, that I am quite familiar with depression, that I know what it’s like to contemplate not being on this earth. I also know what euphoria feels like, joy and playfulness, but that’s not me all of the time. 

There are people who live their lives like Golden Retrievers, just jump in the water and shake your beautiful blond locks afterward. I love those people, they are some of my favorites to be around. But I am not golden, I am one more of a mutt. We’re resilient little creatures. 

My point is, it’s hard to share all of you when there is darkness and pain, anger and solitude as well as literal dancing in the rain and sparks of stardust sprinkled all over your life. It’s a constant challenge but it gets easier with practice. I now rarely pretend to be someone I’m not, but I still find myself highlighting the ‘fun’ aspects of my life and omitting the part of me that thinks this whole ‘World Thing’ is dumb. 

In reality not everyone is willing or able to hear our story. When we share a difficult situation, most people’s reaction is to comment, relate, fix or give advice. Sometimes we want advice, sometimes we want to hear that someone else has had a similar experience but oftentimes all we need is someone to listen, to truly hear us, to take themselves out of the equation and let us be, even when we are hurting. So, as wonderful as it is to share ourselves, we need to be smart about who we let in. If we are repeatedly met with the above-mentioned reactions we can end up feeling lonely, even desperate. 

When you tell someone you are having an existential life crisis and their reaction is: ‘ OMG, that’s amazing, do you want to talk about it? Or not talk about it? What do you want to do?’ That’s a pretty great indicator that you can trust them. Thankfully I have a few of those in my life, and I’m grateful for them every single day! 
blog: ninapolo.com/blog
instagram: instagram.com/ninamaderita/

Rachael Charbonneau, 27
Niskayuna, New York
American

I believe in the power of synchronicity — and being asked about my vulnerability at this particular point and time in my life is synchronistic for me. Here’s why: 

I launched my second business in February of this past year as a Health Coach, and with it has come to a brand new social media and blogging presence. Throughout this process, I’ve toyed with the idea of how much I want to share. Being a healer and in a healing profession, people want to hear about you: who you are, and how you live your life day to day to be the healthiest version of you. They want to know why they should turn to and trust you with their own health and bodies. 

With sharing comes vulnerability. How much do I share? How much do I let people in? How well do I really want strangers to know me? I’m a natural active listener. This may have been due to how I was raised — in a household with an intensity of people who love to be heard. I never liked the competition of saying “look at me and listen to what I have to say! My voice matters!”, so instead, I listened. I’m the listener. I’m not the sharer. Besides a select few people, I would much rather listen to you than talk about myself.

But now I’m in a profession that has an unspoken requirement to share about yourself with the masses via social media. I’ve been torn the last few months on where that boundary is — how much to share on each subject of my life without sharing too much about myself or someone else. It’s been a legitimate internal struggle for me. The people I follow the most on social media are the ones being vulnerable and share everything about their life because I’m attracted to their vulnerability. So, it’s a no-brainer, right? Just share. But it hasn’t been that simple of a journey. 

I believe in being authentic. It’s pretty fucking hard in this day and age — especially with social media. People want to showcase themselves as having this perfect life even if life is far from this and do so. Between photoshop and a caption saying how wonderful life is, people can hide behind their computer screen or phone and make their life out to be seemingly blissful. I try my hardest not to fall into this trap and post authentically. For instance, I won’t post about meditation if I haven’t been practicing myself.

I had been struggling with this idea of vulnerability on social media when all of a sudden, my life turned upside down. The few weeks before this particular day I had a small moment of sharing as I had started my physical therapy journey about facing back and hip pain I’ve been experiencing for over 10 years and the emotions it was bringing up — but between those posts were more posts about food, food videos, and yoga. All authentic but not much more of a caption that said “look at me and look at this yummy food.”

That one particular day I got a phone call saying my job was changing. A few hours later, my then boyfriend — the only man I’ve ever loved with both feet off the ground, whom every cell in my body is still so fucking in love with, left me, and a few hours after that I reached out to my roommates about a big change needing to be made because I’ve been unhappy. This was all over a 12-hour period. The amount of anxiety and panic from the loss of my boyfriend has taken a huge toll on my body and my day to day. I’m just now getting my head above water (this happened less than a month ago). It’s actually caused this shedding of all things negative in my life. I’m trying to change anything that isn’t serving me or my well-being.

That same week, I was promoting a blog post and food video I had made about Broccoli Pesto. One morning, I was writing a caption on an image of the Broccoli Pesto while I was balling my eyes out. I’m sitting there posting on Instagram “OMG Broccoli Pesto is so yummy, go to my blog and read more” as I’m mid-panic attack. Everything about it felt so fucking wrong and so inauthentic, it was actually quite sickening to me. The next morning, I broke down that barrier I had been holding up to my audience and posted about what I was going through. I shed it all, saying how depressed I had been, how I’m not a crier and how I now couldn’t stop, how my boyfriend had left me and my heart was shattered, how I’m usually so in tune with my body but couldn’t tell the difference between being hungry, sad, or panicked.

The most incredible thing happened when I broke down that wall and allowed myself to be vulnerable. Strangers were reaching out, not just to give their condolences, but to thank me for being so honest because it was helping them go through something similar. I’ve shared more and more throughout the last few weeks, and the feedback has been the same — to keep sharing because it’s helping others to heal themselves. Me sharing and reaching out for help, which is usually something I don’t do, has shifted something in me as well. I’ve realized that it’s what we really all crave and strive for: to be able to feel comfortable to truly be our authentic selves. To me, that in-between feeling of sharing is vulnerability. Seeing others do so gives us permission to save space for ourselves to do the same. With being authentic comes vulnerability — showing who you truly are, and what we have to realize is that this is generally the ultimate end goal in our human existence, to live an authentic, happy life. 

blog: wholisticbelly.com/blog
instagram: instagram.com/wholisticbelly
facebook: facebook.com/wholisticbelly

finance females :: no spend week

Does anyone else like to challenge themselves?
I've never been a very competitive person, didn't play sports growing up, but I love to create competitions with myself. Whether it's saving money, or reaching a new PR while exercising - I like to set a goal and smash it! I thought I would share how I made it through a "No-Spend Week" because, at times, it really did feel like survival.
With Easter just behind us, there has been a lot of talk floating around about withholding from oneself, and how fasting is a good practice. Pair that with the constant buzz around 'juicing and cleansing' that come with living in Los Angeles, and it's easy to feel like you're missing out on all the fun. 
Now, I will preface by saying that, every day of the year, I'm a pretty frugal person. I like to think I'm crafty, but I definitely make a conscious effort to not eat out, make my breakfast, lunch, and dinner almost every day, and save my pennies for the next adventure awaiting. But, the 'No Spend Week' was new to me, and to be honest, sort of unplanned. 
I just purchased some plane tickets to Italy, and bought my little brothers as well; mostly out of excitement that we'd be traveling together and because he's in college and I don't want him spending his loan money on family vacays. So, I was thinking of ways to first, pay off my credit card, and still make it to the next payday. Queue 'No Spend Week'.
I didn't even realize it was happening until Tuesday or Wednesday, and once you're halfway through, the competitive nature in my bones took over and I had to complete the challenge. 
A few tips on how I made it a week without spending any money: 

1. BUY IN BULK

Saturday to Saturday without buying groceries is difficult, especially for someone that's cooking every day. Being able to turn to my pantry to supplement my meals with things like quinoa, brown rice, panko bread crumbs, and spices is essential.  

2. DON'T FEAR THE CANS

While I'm not a huge fan of canned veggies, because the fresh kind is just so much more delicious not to mention holds more nutritional value - I had to get over my fear of cans. There are a ton of canned goods that you can keep on hand, to spruce up a dish, a salad, or add some protein to your meal. I generally keep a few different types of beans on hand: black beans, pinto beans, garbanzo beans, and kidney beans. You can use them for everything from a burrito bowl to a chili, etc. Plus, they are super cost-effective and man do they last. I also always have a few cans of canned tomatoes, tomato paste, and tomato sauce. Whether you're making a tomato sauce from scratch, meatballs, or chicken parmesan, the possibilities with canned tomatoes are endless. Last canned good I always have on hand, Tuna! Usually buy these in bulk from Costco or another wholesale grocer, but the number of times I've turned to Tuna, Mayo, Salt & Lime in an open-face pita for a quick snack, is countless. Always delicious. You can also remove the wrapper and save those bean tin cans for your next DIY project. 

3. PLAN AHEAD

When it comes to my proteins I like to buy them in bulk. Why buy one 2 oz piece of salmon that will serve for one meal, for $8, when you can get an entire fish for $20? It just doesn't make much sense. Don't fear the freezer. Buy the big stuff, when you get home, cut it into 2-4 oz pieces and put them in individual zip locks in the freezer. When you leave for work in the morning, throw one in the fridge to defrost, and dinner will be so much simpler when you get home. This goes for really any protein, bulk packs of chicken, beef, or fish are always more cost-efficient, and will save you a trip to the grocery store every few days. 

4. TAKE UP A FREE HOBBY

This one sounds a little funny, but hear me out. I just started learning to hand-letter. It's something I've always wanted to do and is much more challenging than I anticipated. But, with my design background and love for typography and lettering - the natural progression was for me to develop my own font families and be able to put pen to paper any time I want. So, I've been spending a lot of my free time practicing my drills from the "Show Me Your Drills" Challenge by Becca Courtice a.k.a The Happy Ever Crafter. I was surprised to find that when I was really invested in something I wanted to learn, I was more inclined to do what some might find as busy work, instead of going out for drinks. Now, you're talking to a girl who LOVES brunch (all girls, really), and a good night out with the ladies. But if you're trying to make it through this, 'No Spend Week' filling the empty moments with something that challenges you, and teaches you a new skill - is a great start. 
That's all for now, if I think of more tips for you guys - I'll be back. 
Happy Saving!

gypsy soul :: the challenge

I was faced with a challenge...

"My wise friends, to what do you pin your self worth?"
He questioned us, casually, amidst some dog videos and buzzfeed articles about 'why betches love fall'.
My self-worth? Do I pin it to something specific? Is there something that defines me? Is it a number, a feeling, a trait? First, let's define it.

[self-wurth] noun
1. the sense of one's own value or worth as a person; self-esteem; self-respect.
Next let's see what people had to say for themselves:

• Resilience and strength of character

• Capacity for love

• God

• Ability to stand by my word

• Good teeth

• $$$$ in the bank

• Inner light & peace

• My Pinterest board

Ok, so naturally some took the question to heart a little more than others. I have to recognize that while reading the question and before putting an ounce of thought into it, I pictured my dad. So, one thing I know about myself is that my family is very much a part of what makes me who I am. And that some of what I consider my best traits, stem from the lessons they've taught me.

I pin my self worth to my judgement of character. There's a feeling I get deep in my soul that tells me 'this person, this new life in front of you, they're your people.' Consequently there are others who upon meeting, I get a funky vibe from and tend to stray from unless our paths cross in a different light and the relationship changes. I pride myself on knowing someone, from the stories they share and the moments they cherish. I pride myself on my crafts, and the time I take out of my day to create things for people- to share a piece of myself with them in a way that shows them that I care.

I pride myself on my cooking, and my inability to make just enough for one person. But mainly on an open-door, show up and get fed, mentality that my mother shared with everyone she ever met.

I pride myself on my heart. And my willingness to share it with others. There's no question that in life we will open our hearts to people that don't deserve it; people that got lucky and caught us in a vulnerable moment, but ultimately will take us for granted and prove they don't deserve us. And we will learn. But to have the ability to grow, move forward and not close your heart off to new opportunity, I pride myself on that. Love wide open. Jump in with two feet. Experience life.

To what do I pin my self-worth? An unrivaled confidence built solely on a believe that I wake up every day working towards being the best version of myself. Someone my dad would be proud to call his daughter, and my peers would be proud to call their friend.

gypsy soul :: why do we write?

Why do we write? Why do we post? Why do we photograph?

Where does this need to chronogolize our lives, to share, come from?

This morning I was reading a story of a man who lost his life in a motorcycle accident. He suffered a cerebral aneurysm while driving through the beach country of Delaware when he died. He was survived by his wife and two small children and of his thousands of Instagram posts, he wrote "this is a chronicle of my life, meant for the future eyes of my children, to relive their childhoods. So while sometimes it may seem like a bit much, for me it's never enough." - Wyatt Neumann

That's just it. Our words, our photos, our designs; these are the things we leave behind. The pieces of ourselves that we share with the world so that one day, if we are no longer here to share our stories, there is something left to look back on. I guess it's a bit depressing when you think of it. Preparing the people you love for a world in which you no longer exist. But there is something to be said for the legacy we leave behind. For some of us it's a record broken in a high school sport, or a name in a newspaper. For others it's a sketch in an old journal. Regardless of how you choose to express yourself, never apologize for over sharing. In this complex world, where we are all fighting our own battles, learning a little bit more about ourselves each day lets every expression bring you closer to who you are.

Monday feels.